okay, like two days.. but it feels like forever lol

the party on saturday was sooo much fun, even though me and best friend were sober (lent^^).. SOO i’m not going to complain or cry about ANYTHING, because i did nothing embarrassing :P what a surprise ! but well that’s not 100% true, because i was a little bit sad on friday.. this guy i like is sending me signals that are more than mixed … so idk, but oh well :) we’ll see….

yesterday i went out again and had an awesome time. we were in the same club we always go to when we’re in the city, but the DJ yesterday was just AMAZING ! every single piece that he played was just breathtaking. idk how to describe it haha.. i downloaded all of his mixtapes today, because he’s my new favorite :)

i was thinking about going out tonight one last time for this weekend, but my best friend and another guy friend of ours decided to watch some DVDs :) he’s picking me up in 20 minutes and then we’re going to rent some dvds.. ughhh i want to eat popcorn and chips and all those things sooooo bad, but i guess that’s not an option :/

my father was SUPER annoying today.. normally he’s NEVER at home. but today he didn’t leave the house for just one second.. so i was waiting and waiting for him to leave, because i just CAN’T eat when he’s at home. i can’t. i feel like a failure and fat and ughhh, i just don’t want to.. so i asked him if he was going to stay at home for the rest of the day and he was like yeah why?! i was soooo mad and got super angry, but i crawled back into bed and watched “khloe and lamar” until i decided to go out again and tell him that i can’t eat when he’s around. and he was all like well, you have to get yourself together and just do it, i’m not going to leave, this is not a solution blablablabalbla.. i was soooo mad again and i was nearly in tears because i was so angry.. but then he came into my room and told me that he was going to leave for half an hour.. if this would be enough … i was still so livid and didn’t even look him in the eyes and just like BYE ! then he left and i really had planned to just eat sth small like vegetables and stuff, you know.. but he made me soooooo mad.. so i binged and purged. thanks dad, thanks for the support -.-

i’m still pretty tensed and i would LOVE to throw him out and just binge and purge for the rest of the night. but again: not an option. so i’m going to suck it up and watch DVDs and pretend like everything is fine and blablabla.. 

i think i need to work out to calm down …

hope you all have a great night / day and are happyyyy :)

i’d love to have some questions or messages to answer when i get home, so pleaseeeee GO AHEAD :)

sending you all lots of love :)