It’s really really really the time to finally write an update !!!

Today is my third day in the clinic and I love it here ! I feel so comfortable and the people are super nice and friendly and funny and the atmosphere isn’t depressing or negative AT ALL ! It feel like we’ve been friends since forever and it also doesn’t feel like it’s only my third day.. I haven’t thought that I would feel SO comfortable in such a short amount of time. But it makes me super happy !

Eating isn’t always that easy, but I think I have to get used to it.. It’s weird to see that stiiiiiick thin people eat the same amount as I do. I wonder where the food goes, because their body is soooo tiny ! So yeah, here are a LOT of anorexics, but also bulimics, binge eaters, people with ednos, burn out, depression, social anxiety, borderline, etc … In the morning we have to eat TWO buns with 1 pack of margarine or 2 packs of butter and jam/cheese/sausage/eggs/honey that covers the whole bun.. I’m only used to eating fruits with yogurt in the morning, so eating that much carbohydrates is enormous ! For lunch we have 3 meals that we can choose from with a dessert that we HAVE to eat and for dinner we have to eat 3 slices of bread, also with margarine/butter and cheese/sausage/…

But yeah, it’s not very strict here ! So we can leave the clinic whenever we want, we don’t get supervised after a meal so practically I could throw everything up right after eating, but I don’t ! I haven’t thrown up ONCE here and I’m not going to !!!

Yesterday we went to the city and I bought a tea mug, gum (it’s sugarfree, so it’s forbidden - pssssst), diet coke (also forbidden), tea and sweetener (also forbidden !) But yeah, I don’t get why I shouldn’t eat or drink those things. Not with my weight, that’s just ridiculous :D In the evening we went to a “café”, because a girl here had birthday and I had a Caipirinha :) So yeah, I would’ve never thought that it’s not strict at all ! But I find it very good, because at home I’m all by myself again, so what’s the point of being strict here … You have to WANT to get better, that’s the key !!! :)

it’s 8.44 am right now … I had to get up at 6.40 am to get weighed and at 7.10 am it’s breakfast time !!! But I think I’m going back to bed right nowww :P

LOVE you all <3 <3

(Quelle: heymarinaa)

because of my eating disorder.. but it’s not a hospital, it’s more like a “wellness hotel”.. today was my first day and i LOVE it ! :)

yessssss, 9 years in school :) i hope that is a compliment haha

Wie kommst du drauf, dass ich nur Markenklamotten anziehe?

(Quelle: mirandaeileen)

Tomorrow is day X ! I’m going into the clinic …

I’m super nervous and right now I’m a little bit overwhelmed, because I just don’t know what to bring with me.. Ughhhh.. Even though I guess I will run around in sweatpants all day hahaha :D

I’m going to go to bed soon and I’m going to tell you allll the news tomorrow when I’m there !!!

LOVE xo

(Quelle: halesyeah)

(Quelle: pictures-of-couples)